Head Scratchers

Food Waste – That’s What Should Expire

This past summer, for some unexplained reason, I had an insatiable craving for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. At the time, I couldn’t remember the last time I had one, so I wasn’t even sure I had all of the three requisite ingredients. I always have wheat bread on hand, peanut butter can usually be found deep in the cavernous pantry, but jelly, well that’s another story. After removing the tubs of parmesan cheese, jars of salsa, and various assortments of plastic containers housing leftovers of meals past, there, in the dark recesses of the refrigerator, resided a large jar of strawberry jam containing about half of its original contents.

For the next two weeks, my appetite for PB&Js continued as I consumed them virtually every day and at all times of the day. If I didn’t already know that it would have been a medical miracle, I would have thought that it was a pregnancy craving! At last, I was literally up to my elbows, scraping the last of the strawberry jam out of the jar, when it occurred to me that I had absolutely no memory of even buying that jam. I searched for clues to determine the purchase date by examining the jar for a “use by” or “best by” date of some sort. And, there it was – 2007! That was 12 years ago! Clearly, the jam did not turn into deadly poison, although, according to cultural convention, I tempted fate and risked life and limb with my PB&J obsession.

I began to question myself as to how much of the food stock in my kitchen was past its “Use By”, “Sell By”, and “Best By” dates. I started in the pantry. The double pack of bread loaves I had been eating from had “expired” 10 days ago, the peanut butter – 6 months ago! This revelation accelerated my search for more out of date items. I came across many that would not presumably land me in the hospital for at least a month, while others were knocking on their own death’s door very soon. Then, of all things, I saw the “Use By” date on the 64 oz. bottle of white vinegar. Vinegar is immortal! Why does it have a date stamp of any kind? I’m no conspiracy theorists, but there seems to be a scheme being cooked up (forgive the pun) by the food manufacturers who want us to throw out perfectly fine food so that we will continue to buy new products.

My next victims were the condiments, safely stored in their cool and comfortable homes in the refrigerator door. The mustard, the ketchup, the soy sauce, the A-1 sauce – all months, even years past their foretold dates of death. Hmmm… they’re all vinegar based. None of these items were evicted.

Fortunately, I have a very good sense of smell and used my schnoz to sniff out any offending foodstuffs. I cautiously opened the milk, a glass of which I had just consumed with my PB&J. It smelled and good as it tasted. The date – 4 days expired. Its lease was renewed.

I continued with this mission and found only one item – a block of aged cheddar – which was to find a new home in the trash. The label was illegible as it was torn beyond recognition upon opening, but it was covered in colors not found in nature. I am too lazy to slice or shred cheese these days, so it is unclear as to how long it had been residing in the drawer or whether or not I even bought it. Perhaps some gremlin put it there to make me crazy. Anyway…

Shortly after my scouring of the kitchen, I had an enlightening exchange with my unabashed, self-proclaimed, card carrying germophobe sister.

“So, what did you eat when you were at Dad’s house last month?” she asked. “I refuse to eat his cooking. Did he make you eat one of his ‘mystery’ casseroles?” Louise asked with a chuckle.

“Yes, and it was delicious! Why won’t you eat his cooking?” I asked, perplexed.

“He won’t throw anything out. If you look in his pantry, he has canned food in there that expired weeks ago,” she said with disgust. “I am not going to risk getting sick from eating contaminated, expired food.”

“Louise, Dad has lived to be 87 years old and is in great health. Mom lived to be 87 years old herself and she ate anything and everything without paying any attention to dates on the labels. I think they’re both pretty good cases in point that most foods that are past their expiration date are perfectly fine. Are you aware of the recent studies which have shown that manufacturers put artificial expiration dates on products so that consumers will throw them out and buy new products? It just helps their bottom line. By the way, I’ve been serving expired food to my family for years, and no one has ever acquired a food borne illness,” I replied. “If eating expired food is so bad, I believe that my body parts and organs would have had something to say about it by now.”

“Well, then I am not coming to your house to eat again, if you’re going to serve bad food,” she declared.

“Louise, don’t you realize or remember that we grew up on expired food? Somehow we all survived,” I replied. “But, if you don’t want to come over tonight for dinner and indulge in my delectable spread of fungus encrusted steak and a fine selection of moldy cheeses for appetizers, served with a large glass of lumpy milk, then suit yourself.” Let’s just say that she didn’t appreciate my sarcasm.

I do not mean to be picking on my big sister, but Louise is not that atypical from so many others I have encountered who share her sentiments and non sequitur laced reasoning. You may think that I never clean out my refrigerator or pantry, but I am going to get a little defensive here. I regularly take everything out of the refrigerator and wipe down the shelves. Trash night involves going through the leftovers (using my handy dandy guide at the end of this chapter) and determining which items will receive a proper burial.

There are a lot of resources available, both governmental and in the private sector, which provide guidelines and education regarding food safety. Food borne illnesses are a real thing and by all means, check out those resources by the authorities. The dates stamped on labels are, for the most part, simply a quality indicator provided by the manufacturer. I will be the first to acknowledge that many, if not most, foods will eventually lose their once high quality of taste and texture over time, but that does not equate to a death sentence for the food or for the consumer. A heavy dose of common sense is more reliable when determining whether that 12 year old strawberry jam should be thrown out.

God gave us five senses long before he gave us “use by” dates, so I’m going with them.

Your Food Might Be Spoiled If…..

1. You look at the food and there appears to be something growing on it of a color and texture that should only be found in a chemistry lab….or, if it moves… then it might be spoiled.

2. You open a box of food and you hear snap, crackle, and pop, and you know it isn’t a box of Rice Krispies, then it might be spoiled.

3. You smell the food and then you find yourself on the floor with the paramedics placing smelling salts on your face, then it may be spoiled.

4. You touch the food and it touches you back, then it might be spoiled.

5. If the food passes all of the above four tests, you’re going to be okay –most likely. But, if you taste the food and it tastes spoiled, then it is spoiled.